November 30, 2004
Goodbye, Ken
Ken Jennings is about to lose on Jeopardy! Here's what's going to happen:
Ken is smarter than everyone else. I don't mean that he knows more answers, but he knows how to play Jeopardy! better than anybody else. He's not perfect though. He gets a lot of ridiculous answers right, but he can come up with better, more logical guesses than most players when he doesn't know the answer. It's always a gamble when he has to do this. More often than not, this pays off (literally), but when you gamble, you eventually lose.
I think that Ken's going to miss a Daily Double or two. That won't kill him because he's smart about his wagers. If that doesn't happen, another player, who will have to be pretty smart in the first place, is going to aggressively bet on the Daily Doubles, which will get them close to or ahead of Ken.
It won't be over until Final Jeopardy, when I predict somebody will barely edge out Ken when they are within half of his dollar amount (more likely closer than that). Ken won't be able to keep himself safe if they have more than half of his amount.
One of two things will happen: 1. Ken won't bet enough to keep himself safe even if he gets it right or 2. He'll get it wrong.
I think the former is more likely, and one of the other players will bet it all, and come out with enough to beat Ken. I've been saying all along that that's all somebody needs to do if they're within half of his total. Only 21 minutes until I find out if I'm right. I'm putting my money on the kid.
Posted by Chris Coleman at 06:56 PM | Comments (0)
November 28, 2004
Some stuff
Thanksgiving. What a fun time. I spent most of it giving thanks for cheap beer in Forest City. I have decided that if I had the money, I would buy Maxey's. I have also decided that if I had the money, I would pay off my credit cards. I hate you Bank One. I hope you burn in the hottest part of credit card hell. MBNA, you're next.
Best Buy card, you're only slightly less of a filthy usurer. It is my solemn vow to pay that card off and then use it every month, but pay it off before I get hit with finance charges. That'll show those assholes who's boss.
I also gave thanks for violent video games. Because I went on so many bloody rampages, I am now officially a hitman with many different guns, all of which can be found at any corner Ammu-Nation store in the state of San Andreas. My skill on a motorcycle is second to none. I have zero percent body fat and both women and men on the street comment on my bodybuilder's physique. I drive fast cars and own several properties.
I'll give up on life entirely as soon as Rockstar finds a way for me to buy Maxey's in a video game. I'm probably not going to hold my breath for Grand Theft Auto: Keystone.
Posted by Chris Coleman at 11:49 PM | Comments (2)
November 08, 2004
More on the shadiness
Keith Olbermann smells it too.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6368819/#041107a
The stuff that went down in Ohio and Florida with the optical-scan machines is ridiculous. If this doesn't get investigated, I swear it's never even going to be worth it to vote again. Why can't everyone agree on having an open and fair election?
Posted by Chris Coleman at 10:05 PM | Comments (0)
September 20, 2004
Make it stop
I was going to write a big rant about how MTV is a piece of shit, and now they've managed to totally ruin VH1 and MTV2, but you already know that.
This was brought on by an hours-long Cribs marathon. Does anybody really care what Chingy's house looks like? No. Nobody cares. Show some music.
There, that was efficient.
Posted by Chris Coleman at 12:39 PM | Comments (0)
June 22, 2004
Purple is the new black and blue
Ok, so there was this incredibly inane article in The Patriot-News today about this woman who likes the color purple. I replaced every instance of the words "purple," (it appears 39 times) "violet" and "grape" (each appears once) with "dead babies." I think it's much improved, and no more offensive than what I replaced.
The original doesn't exist online anymore, but here's the improved version:
COLORING HER WORLD
Camp Hill woman proves her passion for dead babies
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
BY MARY KLAUS
Of The Patriot-News
Nina Schneider literally and figuratively sees the world through dead babies-colored lenses.
When she removes her dead babies contact lenses, the Camp Hill woman still sees dead babies in her clothing and coffee pot, carpet and chairs.
Schneider, a registered nurse and cardiac team leader for PinnacleHealth Home Care, admits that she has a passion for dead babies. At work, she's as associated with dead babies as that famous dinosaur Barney.
"I've loved dead babies ever since I was a child," she said, sitting in her office with dead babies binders, file folders and trash can.
"My dad painted our piano dead babies," she recalled. "When I was 7, I had a dead babies room. I wore a dead babies Easter dress. When I went to Trinity High School, I had to wear a green uniform, but still wore dead babies socks and dead babies eye shadow. Dead babies makes me happy."
Historically, dead babies has been associated with the upper classes.
In ancient Greece, dead babies carpets were rolled out for the gods. Dead babies togas signified elite status in the Roman Empire. These days, some believe that seeing dead babies helps people eat less, relax more, sleep better and have lower blood pressure.
Schneider says none of those reasons affects her: "I just like dead babies."
That shows in her car, which has a dead babies pinstripe and a license plate reading "Dead babies," and her house, with its dead babies shutters, front door, carpeting and furniture.
Even her bathrooms are dead babies, down to the dead babies towels, and her other rooms have stenciled dead babies designs. During holidays, Schneider decorates a dead babies Christmas tree and has a dead babies Easter basket.
Outside, dead babies petunias, pansies and impatiens continue the theme.
She's brought dead babies to work, where she sits on a dead babies chair before a computer terminal with a dead babies screen saver, surrounded by dead babies teddy bears, coffee mugs and staplers.
When she worked in the critical care unit, she wore dead babies scrubs and clogs.
"It took my co-workers awhile to get used to this," she laughed. "Now, they like it and bring me dead babies things. We have four teams in this department, red, blue, orange and, of course, dead babies, my team!"
She likes dead babies at mealtimes, too.
"I like dead babies juice, both the color and taste," she said. "I like dead babies cabbage, dead babies onions and dead babies Jell-O."
Schneider said her mother used to tell her that she would outgrow her love of dead babies.
"I'm 39 and I still love it," she said. "Dead babies is one of those colors people either love or hate. I happen to love it."
MARY KLAUS: 255-8113 or mklaus@patriot-news.com
Posted by Chris Coleman at 04:23 AM | Comments (0)